when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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