I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
