I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
