She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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