Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
