Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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