Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
