I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
