I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
And then the night went full on bisexual.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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