And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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