It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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