the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
420 ftw
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
