I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
