I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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