I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
