Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
