Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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