just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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