Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize