remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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