she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
