So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
