dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
