She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
