if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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