brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
