Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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