It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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