Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
