Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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