hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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