If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
