White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
