My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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