Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
