I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
