We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
