I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize