i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
