Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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