i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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