You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
