he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
