Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
