when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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