I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
