Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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