I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
