then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
