Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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