if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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