I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
