this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
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