Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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