Im at strip club and am horny
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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