Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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