Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
