"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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