i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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