$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
