she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
