just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
