What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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