Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
