i think i scared a bird with my dick
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
