i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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