exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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