The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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