If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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