Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
