tell your sister to shave her snatch
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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