I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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