I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
