Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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