Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
