if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
found the other keg... it's in the tree
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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