the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
