im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Randomize
