Apparently you make a good broom.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
