Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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