Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
