I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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