There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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