oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
