is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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