Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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