dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
