I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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