too bad you live with your parents still
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize
