I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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