Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
