Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
