I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
