I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I could fuck to npr.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
