i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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