we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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